Suicide

  When someone close to you dies, it can be difficult to let go. An unexpected death is hard to accept, but when someone chooses to end his or her own life, accepting the death can seem impossible.

  In the past 30 years, suicides in the United States have increased. Studies show that suicide has gradually moved up in rank on the list of causes of death in the United States.

Why Do They Choose to Die?

  Doctors, clergy, psychologists, and grieving families ask the same question. Why do so many people choose death over life?

  Many factors can affect a person’s choice to end his or her life. Finances, work, age, gender — even adherence to one’s own faith in today’s turbulent world — can all create stress and pressure.

  Society puts so much emphasis on our children, teens, and young adults to excel in their endeavors. Pressures at school, sports, a new career, and relationships can be intense; sometimes leading to serious psychological disorders. Left untreated, suicidal tendencies may result.

Reactions to Suicide

  Following the suicide of a loved one, you may experience the normal grief reactions, but intensified. You may go into shock, feel numb, be unable to move, or to simply communicate. This is nature’s way of protecting you and letting you slowly accept what has happened.

  You may deny, at first, that your loved one is dead or was the victim of suicide. It is common for family and friends to insist that the death was an accident, despite all evidence to the contrary.

  You may become angry with yourself or with those close to the victim for not “seeing the signs” and preventing the suicide. You might even feel anger towards the deceased for committing suicide.

  Depression may also occur after the suicide of a loved one. You may lose your appetite, have difficulty sleeping, or become irritable.

  Guilt frequently plagues both the parents and surviving children. Parents may feel that they failed their child; surviving children may believe that they did something to make their parent or sibling want to die.

Coping with Suicide

  Grief is difficult, but necessary. There is no “normal” time span for grieving and no two people handle grief in the same way.

  A first step to grief recovery is to attend the funeral. In a way, it is an affirmation that your loved one has died; a commencement of your healing process, and a show of support to other family members and friends. If the person who died is a member of your family, you’ll find a great deal of care and understanding from those in attendance.

  It is very important that you share your tears and talk about your feelings with others. Your friends may feel awkward around you for a while because they do not know what to say. Tell them when you want to talk about the deceased, and do not be afraid to use the word “suicide.”

  Children also need to express their grief. Do not try to “protect” young ones from a suicide. Gently explain the facts to them, clearly and correctly. Do not distort the facts with stories. Encourage them to express their emotions and let them see your grief. Share your memories of the deceased with them and encourage them to talk about their own.

  The grief that follows suicide can be so intense that you may wonder if you need professional help. While there is no timetable for grief, if you think you are not coping well, you might consider asking your clergy, doctor, or funeral director to suggest a counselor. You may be relieved to discover that you are coping normally.

Symptoms of Profound Grief

  While a grieving person often will experience loneliness and depression, be careful to notice signs of profound grief. The following indicate a possible need for professional help:

• Constant hostility towards people you once cared about
• No interest in anything or anyone
• Health suffers considerably
• Relying more and more on drugs and/or alcohol
• Avoiding social activities, wishing to be alone most of the time
• Preoccupied with thoughts of your own suicide

Preventing Suicide

  Health professionals agree that suicide occurs when there appears to be no available path leading to a tolerable existence. Certainly, not every person who feels isolated or depressed will commit suicide. Factors that affect that decision will differ from person to person.

  Suicidal people often reach out for help before committing the act. It is important for friends and family to be aware of the warning signs that a suicidal person frequently communicates.

  Following an adolescent suicide, parents of a child’s peers should be alert for common warning signs in their own children. Contact your pediatrician, psychologist, or youth counselor for warning signs that may signal suicidal behavior.

  As a survivor of a suicide death, you can and will learn to live a little happier each passing day. You will never forget, but you will learn to endure and go on.